


Bloodline

by micwriteshere



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Apocalypse, F/M, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Spanking, Stillbirth, Threats of Violence, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:55:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8683039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micwriteshere/pseuds/micwriteshere
Summary: When you first arrived at the Sanctuary, you agreed to be one of Negan's wives, purely for the added protection. But you had no idea what would come next...





	1. Strange Love

**Author's Note:**

> My first Negan fic...he's a very complex character to write...so feedback is awesome!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's the beauty of a secret  
> You know you're supposed to keep it

The sound of the gate opening woke you up, headlights entering your window in the dark night. Silently creeping out of your private room, you decided to go grab something to eat. You slipped on a pair of jeans and converse, throwing your hair up into a ponytail before sneaking out into the kitchen. 

You walked stealthily, knowing that Negan was now back from a supply run, but you assumed he'd be overseeing the unloading of the truck. Creeping into the pantry, you found the pop-tart you had hidden there for late night hunger. Thank goodness for processed food lasting a while, you thought as you unwrapped the treat quietly. It was much better than the usual non-perishables that the kitchen staff fed you. You could only handle so many canned beans, soups, and spam. 

Sitting in the darkness of the kitchen, your eyes widened as you heard familiar, heavy footsteps behind you. Turning slowly, wanting to avoid trouble, you gave your best pout and doe eyes.

You had agreed to become one of Negan's wives for the benefits that came with them. The added safety, protection, and not to mention he wasn't too hard on the eyes. But in the 4 months since you've been here, you've started to actually enjoy his presence. Something you never thought you'd say. 

"What the fuck are you doin' up?" He sat next to you, grabbing the snack from your hand. "And stealing from the pantry? That's a punishable offense, little one." 

"Negan," You stammer, his tall figure intimidating, even as he sat. "I bought this from commissary and hid this here a while back, I promise." 

"Alright then," He gave up quickly, and you squinted into the darkness, trying to read his face. "I suppose I'll go fucking easy on you. I'm feeling pretty fucking nice." 

You say nothing, his mood throwing you off. Maybe it was the fact it was 4 am. Maybe he had experienced a terrible run. But there was something that you saw in him, some form of vulnerability. 

"Tough run?" You say, voice small as you reach for his hand, shocked when he doesn't pull away. Negan isn't one for intimacy in any form. When you have sex it's fast and rough and half the time only he gets off. So when he allows you to place your hand on his, you're slightly nervous. "If you wanna talk-"

"I don't need to fucking talk," He cuts you off, pulling his hand away. "I fucking don't."

"Alright," You admitted defeat, standing up to go back to your room. "If you need me I'm here." 

He says nothing as you walk out of the kitchen and down the hallway, heading back into your room. You strip down to your bra and panties before crawling into bed and dozing off to sleep. 

* * *

 

Your sleep was disrupted for the second time that night, this time by strong hands stroking your hair. You slowly opened your eyes, his large figure looming above you as he sat on the edge of your bed. You turn your head slightly, seeing Lucille leaning against the door. 

"Negan," You manage to croak out, still half asleep. "What's going on?"

"You fucking said if I need you that you're here," His voice was still hard, although his hand was still softly petting your head. "Well, I fucking need you." 

You nod, hoping to see your generally stone cold husband open up to you. But you felt a twinge of pain when his hands went to his belt buckle, reminding you of what he was really here for. Of course he didn't want to talk. He wanted to use you. 

He senses your hesitation, his hand now gripping your hair, forcing your head back a bit. His bearded mouth connects with your exposed neck, sucking a light bruise right on your pulse point. 

"If you're not willing to help," He murmured against your skin. "I've got 5 other wives who would jump on the opportunity. You're lucky I came to you first." 

You say nothing, hands reaching for his belt. While you had hoped he would be here to show you a side of him you hadn't seen, you shouldn't have expected that from him. Negan has a good poker face. The best you've seen, actually. He channels all emotions into anger and rage and power. In ways, you wish you could be like that. But other days, you think about how hard it must really be for him. You wonder if he ever gets sick of the act and breaks down. 

"I am," You admit, just wanting to take his mind off of whatever was bothering him. It was clearly something. "What do you want?" 

"I was thinking your pretty little fucking mouth," He pulls down his pants, revealing himself to you. It was nearly dawn, a small amount of light shining through your window, allowing you to see him. "Think you can fucking do that?" 

Nodding, you sit on the edge of the bed, his cock level to your mouth. You lean forward, licking a broad stripe up the bottom, tracing a vein with your tongue. You take just his tip in between your lips, sucking lightly. He's growing restless, gripping your hair and pushing himself in your mouth. You choke slightly at the intrusion, but open your throat to allow him to go deeper. 

"You fucking like that?" He urges you on, his breathing heavy. "You like me fucking your mouth? Like a little fucking slut?" 

You look up at him with big eyes, your lips wrapped around his cock. He's getting close, you can tell by the way he grips your hair and his eyes flutter shut. Just when you think he's about to come, he pushes you off of him. You feel the room spin as he pulls off your panties, mouth attaching to your core at lightning speed. 

"This fucking wet just from sucking my cock?" He nips at your thigh before going back to sucking harshly on your clit. This is the first time he's eaten you out, and lord, it's amazing. His beard burns in the most delicious way possible as his long middle finger enters you, curling up. He adds a second finger, licking and sucking at your most sensitive nub. "What a fucking treat." 

He kisses up your stomach, hand gripping your jaw. He uses his free hand to line himself up to your core, pounding into you without giving you time to adjust to him. His tongue enters your forced open mouth, licking around until you suck on it lightly. He grips your jaw even harder, reminding you that he's the one in control. 

His thrusts grow harder and faster, both of you nearing your orgasm. He brings his hand down to your clit, rubbing it harshly to bring you over the edge. Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, exploding inside of you, causing you to scream loudly enough for people outside of the Sanctuary walls to hear. 

"That's fucking right," He grunts as you release. "Clench around my fucking cock." 

His hand squeezes against your cheeks even harder now, and you're sure you'll have bruises in the morning. But nothing matters in your post orgasm bliss. As Negan finishes inside of you, he lets out a deep groan before collapsing on top of you. 

"Fucking fuck," He breathes out, lips against your skin. "You're my favorite for a reason." 

"Your favorite?" You playfully ask, a thumb brushing over his stubble covered cheek before you lean down to kiss the top of his head. "Oh really?"

"Don't fucking push it," He growls, sitting up and getting dressed. "You're the best fuck. Doesn't mean you get to be fucking soft with me." 

"Fair enough," You giggle a bit, before frowning as his jeans are back on. "Negan?" 

"What?" The sunlight hits his face, and you see something gleam in his usually emotionless eyes. "I haven't fucking slept yet. Make it quick."

"Just stay here," Your voice was small, knowing he'd likely laugh and shoot you down. "I know it's against your rules, but you seem like you need someone. And I need sleep, too." 

You could tell he was considering it, his frown turning into a small smirk. 

"I'll fucking stay here because you're my favorite," He stripped back down to his boxers. "But if you fucking tell a soul, you're getting punished real bad." 

You nodded, scooting over to make room for his large frame. The bed wasn't too big, but you made it work. You smiled with surprise when he pulled you close, chin resting on your head. 

"Go to fucking sleep," He groaned, pushing your hand away from his chest. You had been tracing patterns. "I'm not doing this soft shit." 

You nodded, but smiled as he kissed the top of your head a few times. 

"Y/N," He whispers, and your eyes shoot open, waiting eagerly for what he's about to say. "Thank you." 

"That's what wives are for," You kiss his chest, waiting for him to protest at the affection. He doesn't. "Goodnight." 

He grumbled something back, falling asleep quickly, holding you closer than he ever had before. 


	2. A Matter of Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've lived long enough to have learned  
> The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I made a tumblr for Negan HC's and drabbles. negans-smirk.tumblr.com! Follow and send in requests :) The filthier the better ;)

The knock at the door startled you out of your coma-like sleep, causing you to jump up out of Negan's arms. 

"What the fuck?" He grumbled, still half asleep. 

"Be quiet," You whisper harshly, immediately realizing you sounded demanding. "It's probably Sherry." 

"Fine," He growls. "But don't you ever fucking talk to me like that again." You nod, standing up to go answer the door. 

You open the door a crack, allowing her to only see your face, since the rest of your body was naked. 

"Hey hon," She said, voice suspicious. "You alright? It's almost 11, Mel and I missed you on our morning walk." 

"Sorry," You poke your head out. "I didn't sleep much last night. Bad dreams." 

"Alright," She squints slightly. "Hey, have you seen Negan? I think he's back from his supply run." 

"No I haven't," You feel a twinge of guilt for lying. "Probably asleep. I heard the trucks arrive late last night." 

"True," She said, voice full of questions. "If you run into him tell him I'm looking for him." 

"Will do," Your voice grows higher than usual, trying to ignore the unwarranted jealousy building up. Sherry was one of your best friends at the Sanctuary. Despite a rocky beginning, she grew to like you a lot and take you under her wing. "I'm gonna nap now, see you at dinner." 

You shut the door before she can even respond, turning to see Negan sitting up in bed, a grin on his face. 

"What?" You question, before realizing he's staring at your naked frame. Hopping back into bed with him, you smile when he simply takes you in his arms, resting his chin on your head. 

"You have a cute ass," He chuckles. "I'd love to fuck it one day." 

You nearly choke at the confession, looking up at him with wide eyes. He simply laughs again, smirking down at you before pulling you in closer. His eyes flutter closed, arms wrapped around you and head resting on yours. You'd never tell him, because he'd get up and deny it, but he was cuddling you. 

"Negan?" You quietly ask, looking up at him, tracing his lips with your finger. He doesn't smack your hand away like he usually would. "I have a question." 

"This better be fucking good," He growls in response, opening his eyes. "Well, what the fuck is it?" 

"How come you never kiss me?" You ask meekly, hand moving from his lips to his cheek. He allows you to continue stroking. 

"Are you fucking kidding?" He shakes his head. "My tongue was down your fucking throat last night. I remember because you tried to suck on my tongue, even though I'm the one in fucking control." 

"I mean when we aren't having sex," You're on the verge of whining, thumb stroking his left cheek. "Just a real kiss. Like most husbands do." 

"I don't kiss any of my wives unless I'm fucking them," He growls. "It's my rule."

"I thought I was special." 

You were prepared for him to argue. You were prepared for him to yell at you and get up and leave. But you weren't prepared for what happened. He leaned down, his lips gently meeting yours. His hand rested on your cheek, the other one on the back of your head. The kiss wasn't rushed or rough, just a soft, tender kiss. The kind you had hoped for, but never expected to receive.

"There's your fucking kiss," He said, face expressionless as he pulls away. "I don't do that, so if you tell a fucking soul, you're done. Got it?"

You nod quickly, leaning your head back against his shoulder. His cheek fell onto the side of your face, resting softly as he tried to fight sleep.

"I have so much shit to do," He groans. "I can't stay here all day."

"But you want to?"

"Didn't fucking say that," He smiles slightly, and your heart skips a beat. "Don't be a smart ass."

"Five more minutes," You plead with him, a hand running through his messy hair. You had never felt his hair without gel, and it was soft. "Please, Negan."

"Fine," He groans, but there's a small smile on his face as he pulls you closer to him. "Five more minutes."  

* * *

The rest of the week flew by fast. Negan had been pretty busy, but had managed to stop by your room a few times. Much to your pleasure, he wasn't there for sex. He would drop Lucille by the door and lay in your bed, holding you close and talking. The conversations grew more intimate, and while he never told you much about his life pre-apocalypse, he listened to you ramble about yours. 

At the beginning of the next week, you you sat on the floor of your room with Sherry and Melanie, discussing life pre-apocalypse. The three of you were the closest out of all of Negan's wives, hanging out a lot and genuinely enjoying each other's companies. The other wives, Amanda, Lauren, and Jen, mostly kept to themselves. 

"I miss ice cream," Sherry mused. "Especially Ben and Jerry's. That kind with the caramel and marshmallow. Ugh, I'm drooling just thinking about it." 

"I miss technology," Melanie replied longingly. "Television shows and being able to contact anyone at the click of a button. It's like we're back in the dark ages." 

"We are in the dark ages," You remind her. "It's literally the end of the world, Mel. Times don't get darker than this." 

"Stop that," Her voice was low, blue eyes looking down at the floor. "You never know. Maybe all the walkers will eventually be killed and the survivors will rebuild and reproduce."

"Reproducing in the apocalypse," Sherry laughed. "Ha." 

"I mean after it's all over," Melanie was sad now, so you pulled her into a hug. "I keep hoping this is a nightmare." 

"Me too," You respond blankly. "Me too." 

"Seriously though," Sherry's voice dropped to a whisper. "Having a kid in this world would be the worst. How do you raise a child in the zombie apocalypse? I heard from Dwight that Rick, the guy who Negan's been fighting with, has a baby. A young one too. Surprised she made it this far." 

"You do what you can to protect the ones you love," You reply simply, heart aching at the thought of your family. All of your siblings, nieces, nephew, and parents. You had no idea if they were alive. "If I were to get pregnant, I'd fight like hell for that kid." 

"Good thing Negan stocked up on condoms," Melanie observes. "Or pulls out. I'd HATE to have a kid. Especially with him."

"Honestly," Sherry was still speaking lowly. "I think he'd get rid of anyone who got pregnant. He doesn't have time for that shit." 

Your eyes widened slightly, thinking back to the events of last week. He had fucked you raw. And hadn't pulled out. 

"You okay?" Sherry asked. "You look white." 

"Yeah," You reply. "Just missing my family." You lie, and the two of them pull you in for a hug. 

"Us too," Melanie sympathized. "But you've got us now. And we're safe in these walls." 

"I know," You're about to continue when there's a loud knock at the door. "Who the hell could that be?" 

"This is your room," Sherry laughed. "Go get it. But it's probably Will from the kitchen sneaking me the food I asked for." 

You nod, standing up and opening the door slightly, so only you're seen. Your heart skips a beat at the bearded man on the other side, Lucille swung over his shoulder. His hair is slicked back again, and he's fully clothed in his usual attire. 

"Hey," You whisper, stepping out into the hall. "I have guests." 

"Who the fuck is in there?" He asks, and you smirk at the twinge of jealousy in his eyes.

"Mel and Sherry," You reassure him. "Why, what's up?" 

"My girls," He smiles. "All hanging out. Guess I missed the fucking invite to the slumber party." 

"Would you like to come in?" You ask, letting out a chuckle, hand reaching for the door knob. He rips your hand away. 

"No I don't want to fucking sit around and have girl talk with you guys," He brings Lucille from his shoulder to the ground, eyes squinting when you flinch. "Did you just fucking flinch? You seriously think I was about to fucking hurt you?" He looked genuinely offended. 

"No sir," You stammer. "I'm sorry. My head isn't right at the moment." 

"What's wrong?" He asks, and you're about to reply, glad he seemed to care. "Did I fuck your brain loose?" 

"Nevermind," You spoke softly, eyes looking at the ground. "I can ask them to leave if you need me for something." 

"No," He growls. "I'll get Amanda." 

"Negan-" You plead, but he cuts you off. 

"You're too fucking scared of me," He squints. "I thought you were different. Thought you trusted me." 

"I do," You insist, reaching out to stroke his cheek, sighing when he smacks your hand away. "Negan, I'm sorry. It was instinct." 

"Fucking shut up," His voice is louder now. "I don't fucking care. I'll be back later, I can't even fucking look at you right now." 

He storms off, Lucille in hand, and you lean against your doorway, on the verge of tears. You had ruined the trust built in the past week over a small flinch. You had hurt the man who you never thought would be capable of hurt.  But he was. Over the past week, you had become a safe place for Negan. A place where he could show intimacy and vulnerability. A place built on mutual trust. Trust that you had just accidentally thrown out the window. 

Sighing, you wipe the tear from your cheek, put on a brave face, and enter back into your room. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is amazing. Thanks for reading :)


	3. Desperado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you  
> You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New format I'm trying. The chapter summary is going to be lyrics from the song of the chapter title. That way I'm not giving too much away ;)

Negan ignored you for 3 weeks after the incident with Lucille. 

At first, you had assumed he was just busy running the Sanctuary. He had said he would come back, so you held on hope, but by the fifth day you realized he was angry at you. You had made him feel like a monster. Made him feel guilty for having a tough exterior and using certain methods to keep everyone safe. You had hurt him, real bad. 

You made the decision to let him cool off. Take his time, he'd come to you. But days without him turned into a week and a week turned into 3 weeks, and for some reason that you couldn't comprehend you missed him. 

So on the 23rd day without talking to Negan (not that you were counting), you decided to confront him. No matter what the consequences would be. 

* * *

The unfamiliar hallway was nearly pitch black, your flashlight the only source of light. The new moon meant no excess light shining through the windows, and it made it seem like there was no world outside of this hall. It was only 8 pm, but the complete winter darkness made you feel so small.

You made sure your footsteps were light as you walked down the forbidden hallway. Prayers were being recited in your head, hoping that you wouldn't run into Simon or Dwight on your journey down the banned corridor. 

When you finally reached the door at the end, you knocked immediately, not giving yourself a chance to chicken out. Your knock was harsh and full of confidence. The same confidence that you planned to show when you confronted your husband. 

"What the hell?" Negan's voice was heard through the door. "Who the fuck is it?" 

"It's me," You spoke with courage, but you were still waiting for him to turn you away. "Can we talk?" 

He opened the door, pulling you into the room by the wrist before you could register what was happening. When you finally adjusted to your surroundings, you inhaled sharply as his dimly lit face was inches from yours. His hair was disheveled, the leather jacket laying over the back of a chair. He was in jeans and a white tee, his boots still on. Lucille was nowhere to be seen, and you were thankful for that. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doin', little girl?" You frowned at his nickname as he stepped back, smirking as he took a seat on his bed. You were the youngest of his wives, at 20 years old. "You fucking know I have a strict rule about anyone coming down this hallway."

"You've been ignoring me." You say simply, walking towards him. You were too nervous to sit on the bed, opting for the chair near his desk instead.

"By all means," He grumbles sarcastically. "Make yourself at fucking home." 

"I think I will," You respond boldly. "Negan, what's going on?" 

"You're clearly too fucking terrified of me," His voice is deep, and you're trying so hard not to be turned on. "So I backed the fuck off."

"It was instinct," You argue softly. "Negan, that is a murder weapon. It's natural to flinch." 

"SHE has a fucking name," He was nearly shouting at this point, jaw clenching. "Lucille. Her name is Lucille. And no, it's fucking not natural. Not after I open up to you and show you that I'm not the fucking monster everyone thinks I am." 

"Kissing me on the lips is hardly opening up," You laugh at his comment, before realizing your mistake. "Negan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean you didn't say much and-" 

"I fucking held you," He runs a hand through his messy hair, sighing. "I haven't held anyone since this whole shitshow started. I listened to you fucking ramble the fuck on about your life. That shit never happens. I fucking sat up while you were sleeping and watched, thinking how fucking beautiful you are and how fucking lucky I am to have one wife who I actually genuinely enjoy." Your mouth is open slightly as you listen to his confession. "But no, you're just like fucking everyone else. You don't see me the way I thought you fucking did. So what could you possibly want? Why the fuck did you come here? To tell me how shitty I am? To fucking say you're done with me? Because fine. Whatever. Just fucking go. You don't need to go on the point system either, you're still fucking protected no matter what. Because I fucking care." 

You didn't know what to say. Negan was broken. Far more broken than you had originally thought. And while a sane person would walk away, take the free protection and run, you weren't sane. You were far from sane. 

"I'm not going anywhere," You spoke softly, slowly walking towards the crushed soul in front of you. He exhaled shakily as you sat next to him, your thighs touching. Grabbing his hand, you placed a gentle kiss on each fingertip before switching to the other one. "I'm here to stay. I trust you, Negan. I trust you with my entire soul. And honestly, I think I'm falling in love with you. A crazy, intense type of love." His eyes widened and his mouth opened as if he were about to respond, but you continued, "When you ignored me I felt sick. Fucking ill. I threw up every day this week and it's because when I'm not around you I'm a mess."

"Jesus Christ," He groaned, laying back on the bed. "Don't fucking say that."

"No," You laid next to him, your heads pressed against each other. "Let me finish. I agreed to be your wife because it made sense. It made sense for me to have protection, and honestly, you're fucking attractive and I wanted the perk of hot sex. But I never in a million years thought I'd turn into one of those moon eyed girls who swoon over you. I never thought I'd miss you every moment you're gone. I never thought I'd worry about if you're taking care of yourself, eating enough, staying hydrated. I'm young and I don't know what love feels like but I'm pretty sure this is it, and I'm not about to sit back and pretend that's not how I feel about my own fucking husband." 

There was a thick silence in the air after your monologue. One filled with questions and regrets. Negan sat up quickly, getting off the bed and pacing around his room. 

"Get the fuck out," He whispers, exhaling harshly. "This is not some goddamned fairy tale. You don't get to tell me you love me. That's not how this fucking works." 

"Negan," You argue, tears dancing around your eyes, threatening to spill. "I mean it." 

"No you fucking don't," He sounds as if he's been stabbed in the heart. "I'm not a good person, Y/N. I wasn't before this all started and I sure as hell ain't now. You don't love me. Nobody does."

"I do," You sigh, tears falling now. "Don't shut me out. You can't just shut down because you decided you're not worthy of love." 

"I can do whatever I fucking want." He growls in response, turning so he's no longer facing you. His broad frame is shaking with each breath, his hands running through his hair. 

"Not when it comes to this," You surprise yourself with the confidence in your voice. "Stop this, Negan. The world is a shitty place. Such a miserable, dark place. But you make it okay for me. And I know you won't admit it, but I know you feel the same way." 

"You don't fucking get to make fucking assumptions about what I fucking feel!" He's full on shouting now, his fist slamming against the concrete wall. You nod shakily, getting up to leave when his voice stops you. It's soft and shaky, a sharp contrast to the terrifying shout he had produced seconds ago. "I'm sorry. Y/N I'm fucking sorry. Don't go." 

"Negan," You walk towards him hesitantly, pulling him in for a hug. Your arms wrap around his torso, tracing circles on his tee shirt clad back. After a few moments he wraps his arms around you too, chin resting on the top of your head. "You don't need to pretend around me." 

"I'm not pretending," He sounds more vulnerable than you had ever imagined. "I don't deserve love." 

"Yes you do," You lean up, placing a quick kiss on his exposed collarbone. "We could die at any moment. Either of us. Why not make this last?" 

He says nothing, simply running a hand over your head, kissing your forehead. He guides you to his perfectly made bed, sitting on the edge of it. Instinctively, you get on your knees, hands moving to his belt buckle. He gently pulls your hand away from his crotch, kissing your knuckles. 

"Just lay with me," His brown eyes are full of something you couldn't quite place. "Please. Stay." 

You nod, smiling as you crawl under his covers. He pulls off his jeans and boots, joining you and immediately pulling you into his arms. He places a tender kiss on your forehead, nose, and then lips. Neither of you say anything, simply touching and kissing each other in the most intimate, yet non sexual way. You could feel yourself dozing off, your hand on his chest and lips pressed against his neck. 

"Goodnight," You whisper against the exposed skin, causing him to shiver ever so slightly. "I love you." 

"You don't love me," He answered, staring up at the ceiling, a blank expression on his face. "But I love you. That's something I'm sure of." 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> negans-smirk.tumblr.com ! :) send in HC or drabble requests!


	4. Shelter from the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word  
> In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm  
> Come in, she said  
> I'll give ya shelter from the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter of the day because I may be going in for surgery this week. Enjoy!!! :)

The sunlight peaked through the old window, beaming on your face, waking you up. Upon opening your eyes, it took you a moment to adjust to your surroundings, but Negan's gentle snoring in your ear immediately gave you comfort. His scratchy beard was pressed against your shoulder, the top of his head resting on the crook of your neck. You laid there completely still, wanting to allow him to sleep for as long as possible. 

After a few minutes, he began to stir awake, eyes fluttering open and a yawn leaving his mouth. You turn to face him, giving him a small smile. He returns it with an even wider one, his remarkably white teeth showing. 

"Morning," He nearly whispered, still smiling at you. "You stayed." 

"Of course I stayed," You run a hand through his hair, kissing the tip of his nose. "I told you last night, I love you. I'm here. So don't fight it." 

He didn't respond, hands wandering to your waist. He maneuvered the two of you so you were now straddling him, hands on his chest as you lean down to kiss him. Your hips are rolling slightly, your leggings and his boxers the only thing separating your cores from each other. The kiss quickly escalates, Negan's hand on the back of your head, pushing you closer as his tongue invades your mouth. The movements of your hips are speeding up, and you're feeling him grow hard under you when it hits you. The familiar wave of nausea you've been experiencing all week. 

You quickly roll off of Negan, sprinting away before he can even say anything. You find a miniature waste bin on the floor, sitting down to throw up into it. He hurriedly crouched down next to you, holding your hair back as you puked last night's dinner up. 

Once you were finally finished, he wrapped an arm around your waist and led you to a bathroom, with a sink and everything. He hands you a water bottle and his toothbrush, accompanied with a tube of children's toothpaste.

"Crest kids? The sparkly kind?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and he lets out a laugh. "Who's that cartoon character on the bottle? Oh don't tell me. I remember him! Spongebob! That's it!" 

"Yes I use Spongebob toothpaste," He chuckles in response. "It was all they had left at the store we raided. There's not exactly an abundance of toothpaste anymore." 

"Better than what I use," You declare, taking a sip from the water bottle. "Hydrogen peroxide and peppermint oil. It works but tastes disgusting." 

You put down his toothbrush, opting to place toothpaste on your finger instead. 

"Are you really not gonna use my toothbrush?" He snickers. "You suck my cock, lick my balls but won't use my toothbrush?" 

"I was just about to say how wholesome your language has been this morning," You assert with a giggle. "But it's not that, I don't want to get my vomit breath all over it." 

"Just use it," He kisses the top of your head. "I'll get another one for myself this afternoon." 

You nod and brush your teeth, side-eyeing him as he watches with amusement. 

"What?" You ask, mouth full of toothbrush. "What are you staring at?" 

"You." He replies with a grin as you spit into the sink, taking a sip of water. "You feeling better?" 

"For now," You answer, pulling your hair back into a ponytail. "The past week it's been like 3 times a morning but then I'm better by later in the day. Must be stress." 

He brings the waste bin over, setting it next to your spot in bed so you can access it if needed.

"Or a baby." He says nonchalantly as you crawl back into bed. 

"I'm sorry," You stop dead in your tracks, looking up at him. He was standing there with raised eyebrows, his lips curled up slightly. "What did you just say?" 

"A baby," He said slowly, laying back next to you. "You know...they crawl and throw up and shit and cry." 

"I know what a fucking baby is," You playfully push his shoulder. "Why would you think that?" 

"Y/N," He turned on his side so he was facing you, eyes serious. "That night, like a month ago or whenever the fuck it was, when I stayed over the first time...I came in you. I didn't mean to but I was so lost in the fucking moment and for once in my fucking life I lost control." His hand was stroking the back of your head as he continued, "That's why I came to see you. When you had Mel and Sherry in your room. I wanted to talk to you about what the fuck to do. But then my anger took over and I ignored you and I'm fucking sorry for that." 

"It's probably stress," You were lying to yourself, Sherry's words about Negan 'getting rid of anyone he got pregnant' replaying in your head. "You know, apocalypse induced anxiety." 

"You can keep pretending this isn't a possibility," He grumbles, growing annoyed. "Or you can go to the fucking doctor who's here for things like this." 

"I'm not pregnant," You simply assert, taking a deep breath. "I'm not. There's no way." 

"I know you didn't get to finish school because of this whole zombie outbreak," He was smirking. "But babies come from unprotected sex." 

"Glad you think this is funny," Your stomach is in knots, the nausea creeping up again. "I'm gonna be sick." 

He reaches across you, grabbing the bin and placing it in front of you. He uses one hand to hold it in place and the other to rub your back as you empty your stomach once again. 

"Sick in the morning," He muses as you're throwing up. "Y/N..."

"Fine," You groan, head in the bin. You don't even need to see him to know he's smirking about winning this battle. "I'll go to the doctor. But you're fucking coming with me." 

"You know how I know I love you?" He asks, handing you a water as you finish up. "Because you sass me and boss me around and it doesn't piss me off, I find it oddly adorable. My feisty wife." 

"I thought you said you weren't gonna get soft." You laugh, sipping from the bottle. 

"I'm not fucking soft," He argues, standing up from bed and putting his jeans on. "Now let's go. Get your ass up so we can get to the doctor and see what the fuck is happening." 

You nod nervously, climbing out of bed, feeling your hands visibly shake. 

* * *

 

It felt like years had passed since you had taken the pregnancy tests. You sat alone in a dimly lit room, leg bouncing up and down, something you did when you were particularly anxious. Negan had gone back first to talk to the doctor when he realized you weren't ready to hear the inevitable. 

"You fucking speak a word of this to anyone," His voice is coming closer. "You're gonna get the fucking hot iron treatment. Got it?" 

"Yes sir." The doctor replied nervously, giving you a nod as the two of them enter the room. You look up at Negan, then at the doc, trying to read them. 

"Y/N, let's go," Negan helped you out of your chair, arm around your waist as he led you back to his room. "We can talk in a private place." 

"They were positive? Weren't they?" Your voice was small, asking him as soon as he shut the door, giving the two of you privacy from eavesdroppers. 

"All 3 were positive." His face was expressionless, and you could tell he was trying to read you. You burst into tears, hands covering your eyes as you pressed your back against the wall and sunk down to the floor. Negan sat next to you, an arm hesitantly wrapping around your shoulders. He didn't say much, he was trying to be supportive. But as your tears turned into sobs, he spoke. "You're gonna be okay," He pulled you close to him, your back against his chest. "I'm here. I'm right here." 

"I'm sorry," You manage to express through your sobs. "I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me." 

His hand gently touched your chin, pushing your head up so you were looking into his eyes. He looked concerned, leaning in to tenderly kiss your tear soaked lips. 

"I'm not mad at you," He rested his forehead against yours, eyes meeting. "Not at all. In fact, this isn't a bad thing at all." 

You stare at him, disbelief clear on your face. His calloused thumb wipes your tears, lips meeting yours again. 

"Don't lie to me to make me feel better," Your voice was shaky, mind numb. "How is this not bad? You have 5 other wives, Negan. There are zombies roaming the streets. The world is an ugly, violent, terrifying place. How the hell am I supposed to have a kid?" 

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do," He assures you, but you shake your head to assure him that's not what you mean. "But as for the other things, don't worry, okay? I will work my fucking ass off to make this a stable place for our kid. My kid will stay fucking safe, and not live in fear. I promise you that. I will always do my best for you, and for this baby." 

"So you're not going to kick me out of the Sanctuary?" You ask, voice weak. 

"I can't even fucking believe you'd think that," He pulls you closer, kissing your cheek, a hand resting on your stomach. "I said I love you. I fucking mean it. That means I'm fucking here to stay, whether you like it or not." 

"Thank you," You let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Negan." 

"You're moving into here," He says, switching subjects. "I'll have Dwight help you move your shit because you're not doing any heavy lifting." 

"Whoa whoa whoa," You turn your neck to try and look at him. "The other wives won't like that at all." 

"I'm done with them," He says as if it were the most obvious solution in the world. "They can stay in their rooms and still live here for free, but you made me realize I don't need them. I don't feel anything for them. It's all about you right now. And this baby." 

"I feel like everything is happening so fast," You simply say, not wanting to comment on the other wives situation. "4 months ago I was alone. The last survivor in my group. Then you came along and I never expected to fall for you, but here I am."

"Here we fucking are." He hums against your hair, hand rubbing circles on your still flat tummy. 

"Do you believe that I love you yet?" 

"I do," He answers, and you smile. "I don't understand how I got so fucking lucky, but I do believe it." 

"Are you afraid?" 

"What is this, 20 fucking questions?" He snorts. "No I'm not afraid. That's my job. Not to be fucking afraid of anything." 

"You can break down around me," You reach back, running a hand over his stubbly cheek. "I'm here for you." 

"I know you are," He rests his chin on the top of your head. "That's why I love you." 

"I love you too," You respond. "Can I go back to sleep? All that crying made me exhausted." 

"Of course you can." He helps you up, walking you over to the bed. He tucks you in and lays next to you, his body over the covers, which probably meant he wasn't staying. 

"If you have things to do, go ahead," You assure him, voice down to a whisper. "I'll be fine here." 

"I do have shit to get done, but I'll wait for you to fall asleep," He pets your hair, shifting around on the bed slightly. "If you wake up and I'm gone there are books and old newspapers and magazines in the top drawer of my desk." 

You nod, cozying up under the navy blue comforter. As you drifted off, you silently wondered if this was all a dream. If you were going to wake up and Negan would be back to his vicious, angry, scary ways. If you'd go back to being used for sex, being one of 6 wives. You wondered if you'd wake up in your own cold bedroom, all alone, no baby. 

Ignoring the thought, you allowed yourself to fall into a deep sleep, praying that when you wake up things will be exactly the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm...thoughts? ;)


	5. I Wish You Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish you hope when things are going bad  
> Kind words when times are sad  
> I wish you shelter from the, the raging wind  
> Cooling waters at the fever's end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **** There's a 7 month time jump here! ****
> 
> Also, reminder: this is (obviously) purely fiction. And while some things may be the same as they are in the show, I'm going to take this piece in new directions as well. So this may not be completely accurate to the show but I'm going to stay true to character! Promise!

By the time you hit your 8th month of pregnancy, even the simple task of getting out of bed seemed daunting. You felt like a cow, one with sore boobs and terrible acid reflux. And while Negan tried his best to keep you comfortable, there was only so much he could do while the world was falling apart. You sigh as your feet hit the cold floor, waddling to the bathroom for the fourth time that morning. 

"I'm back," Your husband's voice came from the other room as you finished up. Examining yourself in the mirror, you stepped out. Before your pregnancy, you had always tried to look your best for Negan. He expected it. But now, although he won't admit it, he's softened up quite a bit. Telling you you're still hot as hell in nothing but his old tee shirt. "Found you a box of Oreos. Don't tell anyone, they're hard as shit to find nowadays." 

"You're the best," You kiss his stubbly cheek, crawling back into bed. He stripped down to his tee shirt and boxers, joining you in the large mattress. You snagged the box of cookies from his hand, opening it and licking out the frosting. "Want the cookie part?" You look up at him with innocent eyes.

"That oughta be a fuckin' crime what you're doing there," He growls, grabbing one from the box himself, taking a bite. "You don't eat oreos for just the middle. That's fucking sadistic," His smirk remained on his face as you wiped a dark crumb from the corner of his mouth. "Plus, it's fucking turning me on watching you lick that." 

"I'm the sadistic one?" You raise an eyebrow, licking yet another oreo middle. This time, slower, never breaking eye contact. 

"Yeah," He grunts, taking the cookie from your hand and eating it. His lips meet yours feverishly, your tongue immediately being sucked between his lips. "It's fucking sadistic because all I want to do is fuck the holy fucking fuck out of you," His lips move to your neck, suckling on your pulse point between words. "But I can't." 

"Who says you can't?" You look down at him, although he can't see with his face buried in your neck. "Fuck me, Negan. It's been too fucking long." 

He kissed on your skin a bit longer, sucking light marks along your jaw. His hand caresses your cheek, lips moving back up to yours. Leaving a final plant on your plump lips, he pulls away so his face is inches from yours. 

"You're 8 months pregnant," His breath is hot on your face. "I'm not about to stick my cock up there and poke the baby's eye out or some shit." 

"That's absolutely not how sex works," you laugh in response, eager for him to touch you. It had been 3 months since you've had sex, and an entire month since he's eaten you out. You needed him in a big, bad way. "It'll be fine, maybe it'll induce labor!" 

"Another reason not to," He rolls over, so his head is on your shoulder. "I have to go somewhere tonight." 

"Negan," You sigh, pushing him off of you so you can turn and face him. "You just got back!" 

"I found us a place," He said simply, his eyes full of excitement. "A little neighborhood in the suburbs. With a white picket fence and all that shit you dreamt of." 

You looked at him with confusion. What he was saying made absolutely no sense. The Sanctuary had become home, a safe place. Sure, it wasn't the most attractive from the outside, and certain spots were grimy and gross, but it was home. The first stable place you've lived since the apocalypse. Surely he wouldn't want to trade his empire in for a house. 

"What on earth are you talking about?" You question him. "Negan, I know I complain about this place but it's heaven compared to the other shit holes around." 

"I've been scoping out some shit," his hand comes down to your swollen belly, rubbing gentle circles. "And I found a neighborhood. Before all this it was eco-friendly housing. So there's some solar electricity, as long as the sun shines. And there's a fucking yard, and a kitchen and real fucking carpets. Not the cheap shag kind." 

"That sounds amazing," you answer. "But not safe or practical. How would we be protected?" 

"Here's the good part!" He was excited, face full of joy and elation for the future. "That's where I've been going lately. I had my guys build us a dope ass fence around the perimeter. There are like, 10 or so houses now in that space. Everyone will come there." 

"This seems too good to be true," You respond, voice full of worry. "I'm nervous. It seems like a bad idea." 

That clearly upset him, his face falling as he sat up and got out of bed. 

"Good thing it's not your fucking decision," He snapped at you, putting on his jacket and pants. "I'm going to go finish building the fucking swing set I was making for our kid. If you go into labor get someone and they'll fucking grab me." 

You were about to protest, but he was already gone. Sighing, you laid your head back and stared at the ceiling. You get why he's upset. You had spent hours discussing how you want nothing more but to raise this kid to have a normal life. You had confessed that you want to give your child everything that you had, and it broke your heart it wasn't possible. 

And while it didn't seem like it at the time, he clearly was listening to every word. He had gone ahead and found your dream home, one you described once at 3 am. He was trying to support you, trying to step up and make you and your child happy. And you had shut him down. 

You continue to wrestle with the thought for a few more minutes, mentally weighing out the pros and cons. Just as you settle on the idea of discussing the house further with Negan, a knock on the door interrupts you. The banging grew louder as you made your way out of bed, scrambling to find pants. Settling on old leggings, you threw them on and opened up to see Sherry standing there, eyes full of concern. 

"We need you," She said quickly, out of breath. "Now." 

"What the hell is going on?" You threw on flip flops, following her out the door. She didn't answer you, simply leading you down the stairwell. "Sherry! What the hell?!" 

"Negan's been shot," She said, voice full of distress. "He's with the doctor right now." 

You felt your heart sink and all of the blood drain from your face. Freezing, you clutched a railing and looked up at her. 

"Now is not the time for you to panic," She held the sides of your face, trying to get you to look at her. "You can't go down too." 

"What," You mumble quietly, body in shock. "How the hell did it happen?! He just left like 30 minutes ago!" 

"Some idiot new guy went for a walker and got him right in the shoulder," She explained. "Dwight had a lot of blood on him. I don't know how bad it is." 

Hands shaking, you continued to walk towards the Sanctuary doctor anyways. Trying to put on a brave front as fellow Saviors kneeled as you passed, showing their respect. As you enter the room, a trail of blood down the hallway tormented your thoughts. You could hear voices, although your brain was too scrambled to figure out what was being said. Taking a deep breath, you stepped into the room where Sherry had led you. 

"You can't be in here!" The sight of a passed out, bloody Negan and the frantic voice of the doctor terrified you to your core, and you nearly ran out into Sherry's arms. Tears flooded your cheeks, and you could feel the tiny pieces of your broken heart falling slowly from your chest.

Sherry calmed you down, leading you to a small couch a few feet away. 

"They just can't have you witnessing that," She explains as you cry onto her shoulder. She was the only one of Negan's former wives who had remained your friend. "It's too much stress and will cause labor. Just breathe, honey." 

"I can't do this," You choked out through sobs. "I can't raise a baby without him. I can't do any of this without him. I can't live without him, Sherry. I know the first few months I was here I didn't like him at all. But Sherry, I love him in a big bad way. The way you love Dwight." 

"I know honey," She let you vent to her, not caring about her tear soaked shirt. "They're going to save him. You're not going to be alone. Just breathe." 

You allowed air to fill your lungs, exhaling with a shake. Trying to pull yourself together, you practiced deep breathing, something you would often do when you were alone and scared. Since this whole thing started, you had become quite good at self-calming. Sherry just sat there as you calmed yourself, not caring how much time passed.

"Go in there," Dwight's voice interrupted your deep breathing. "They're ready." 

Your body became tense, but you stood up anyways, heading towards the back room. Preparing for the worst, you inhaled deeply and stepped in.

Negan was laying on a bed, shoulder wrapped in bloody gauze. His eyes were closed, eyebrows still furrowed despite his unconscious state. Lips were slightly parted, and his chest was moving up and down in ragged breaths. You sighed with relief at the sight. He was alive. 

"Y/N," The doctor's voice startled you. "He's going to be okay. We stopped the bleeding and removed the bullet." 

You took a seat next to your husband's bed, a hand running through his hair. You kiss his forehead and see his lips twitch slightly. 

"Has he woken up yet?" 

"We gave him a lot of morphine," Dr. Cram explained. "He'll come to soon enough. I just put stitches into the wound. Give him these pills every few hours to keep him comfortable." 

You thanked the doctor, smiling with relief as he left you alone with your husband. You held his hand, stroked his face, and kissed his parted lips. Every fiber of your being was filled with sweet relief, and you could feel your heart slowly becoming whole again. 

"Well damn," Negan's gravelly voice made your heart flip. "I didn't know the doctor was so fucking hot. I should get shot more often." You immediately lean down, kissing him, a huge smile on your face. You press your forehead against his as he opens his mouth again, "Can you fucking believe I was almost taken out and it was a fucking accident? Some fuckers have been trying for a goddamn while to kill me, and the only scratch I get is from one of my own fucking men." 

"Well he deserves the hot iron treatment for scaring me so bad," You mumble, fingers tracing his hairline. "I'm glad you're okay." 

"Hot iron?" He smirked, commenting on your usual disdain for the hot iron. "Since when were you a stone cold bitch?" You frown at his comment, but he chuckles in response. "I like it." 

"I was just scared," You admit shyly. "I love you too much for anything to happen to you." 

"Hey," His face suddenly went serious, a big hand coming up to touch your cheek. "I'm not going anywhere. Like I fucking said. It's you and me, baby." 

"And the actual baby." You add, and he nods. 

"Let's get the fuck upstairs," He sits up, wincing in pain as his shoulder moved slightly while going to grab his discarded jacket. "We both need to rest." 

You nod, grabbing Lucille with one hand and allowing him to sling his arm around your shoulder, resting it on you. The two of you walked up to his room, everyone kneeling along the way as their fearless leader and his girl passed through. He nodded at the followers, saying they'll report to Simon for the next day and not to fuck anything up too badly. 

When you finally reach your bedroom, you help Negan rid his pants and get into bed. You brought him a cup of water, searching through your drawer for some food. Settling on a granola bar, you hand it to him along with the pills the doctor had given to you earlier. 

"Eat," You instruct, choosing to ignore his eye roll. "And you need these pain meds. Take them." 

"You better not fucking think this is an excuse to baby me," He snaps back, taking the medicine anyways. "I don't need to be taken care of." 

"It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes," You assure him, crawling into bed next to him. You run a hand up his chest, your lips twisting into a pout at the bit of dried blood on his neck. "You don't always need to be a hero." 

"Stop," He cut you off, knowing where you were going. You had always told him he didn't need to put up a guard around you. Each time you had the conversation, it always ended in a fight, him insisting that he doesn't show weakness. Ever. "I don't need to fucking hear it right now." 

Nodding, you move as close as your pregnant belly will allow. His hair is disheveled, eyes glossed over with pain. He looks tired. Exhausted, even. He was already tired, but getting shot added a new layer of fatigue to his generally stoic face. 

"I love you," You murmur, kissing his knuckle. "So much." 

He hums in agreement, his eyes already closed from the morphine. You lovingly examine his beautifully jaded face, all of his worry disappearing as he drifts off to sleep. He looks so calm and peaceful, you didn't want anything to disturb that peace.

Not even the contractions that you were feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> negans-smirk.tumblr.com !!!!!!!!


	6. Small Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can lie with me, with your tiny feet when you're half asleep,   
> I'll leave you be  
> Right in front of me for a couple weeks  
> So I can keep you safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of stillborn baby
> 
> other than that, this is a very cute fluffy chapter. it's a rollercoaster though. enjoy.

"You're fucking kidding me right now," his gravelly voice startled you from the book you were focused on, trying to take your mind off the pain from contractions. Hours had passed, the contractions growing closer together and stronger in power. "This is a fucking joke." 

"I don't know what you're referring to," you lie, turning the page casually. "You must be tripping from the morphine. Go back to sleep." 

"Doll, I may not be at the top of my game right now, but I sure as hell am not fucking stupid," he rips the book from your hand, sitting up against the headboard. "Now maybe your bump is too fucking big for you to see past, but the bed is wet. Also, you've been sitting there, doing that deep breathing shit trying to cover up the fact you're in fucking labor." 

"You just got shot. Go back to bed for a bit." 

"I don't give a shit if I'm _dead!"_ His voice was escalating, and he looked pissed. "Stop being so fucking stubborn and get your ass out of bed. I'm not going to let something happen to my baby because you're being stupid."  

A contraction hit you just as you were about to respond, your abdomen flooding with pain. You tried to breathe through it, gripping onto Negan's forearm for support. 

"I am managing this," you're lying, but you'd be damned if you surrendered that easily. You're tough, you always have been. A few contractions weren't a big deal. "My contractions aren't even that close together." 

"We are going down to the doctor right now," he stood up, wincing in pain. Grabbing a few pills, he swallowed the morphine and put on his jacket. "Get up. Right fucking now." 

Moving to get up, an insanely sharp pain hit you, taking your breath away. You sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the sheets, eyes closed tightly. Inhaling deeply, you hope it'll go away with time. When a few moments pass and you still feel the intense pain, you open your eyes and look at Negan, who is watching you with widened eyes. 

"I need the doctor here," You explain very calmly, trying not to worry your husband. "Negan, something is very wrong." 

"Jesus fucking Christ," he mumbles before running out the door. You can hear his voice from down the hall, "Tell that bastard to hurry! Now!" He returns, pulling his jacket off and sitting next to you on the bed. Helping you get back to a laying down position, he runs a hand through your hair and kisses your forehead. 

You can feel your pain escalating, the contractions being added to the already violent pain in your gut. It's barely noticed when the doctor enters the room, with Melanie and Jennifer, both former nurses, in tow. Negan stands up to meet the doctor, immediately explaining the situation. The pain is so high you can barely think, fear paralyzing you. 

"There's clear fetal distress," the doctor says to the girls as Negan paces at your bedside, stress overwhelming him. The doctor pulled down your pants, receiving a side eye from Negan. "She's at 9 centimeters, this baby is coming right now." 

"What the fuck do I do?" Negan asks, more frightened than you've ever seen him. There's a layer of sweat on his forehead, his eyes wide as saucers. 

"Come here," you suggest softly, holding a shaky hand out as another contraction causes you to squeal in pain. "Just hold me." 

Nodding, he crawls onto the bed, using his good arm to move you forward. He finagles himself behind you, so that you're between his legs, your back on his chest. A growl of pain exits him as you lean your head against his shoulder, but his other hand on your cheek assures you it's okay. 

"Y/N," Melanie looks up at you from the end of the bed, laying down a towel. "You need to push. Hard." 

"I can't," you speak faintly. "It hurts too much." 

"Jennifer," Negan orders. "Grab that scotch off my desk and bring it here." 

"I can't drink," you argue, and he shakes his head, grabbing the bottle from the girl. "Negan..." 

"It's not gonna hurt the fucking baby, okay, the baby is coming out now," He places it to your lips, and you chug. After at least 2 shots, he pulls it away. "Now fucking push. I'm right here." 

"It's time," the doctor urges you. "You need to push now, the longer we wait the higher the risk." 

Pushing hard, your eyes clench shut as your hands grip Negan's tighter than you thought possible. The alcohol was coursing through your veins, helping with the pain a little bit. A chorus of encouragements cheered you on, telling you to keep going, the baby was crowning, and that it was almost over. After what felt like an eternity of pushing, the cherished sound of a child's cry filled the room. You could feel the air re-enter your lungs, your worst fears proven to be false. 

_"It's a girl."_

Leaning your head back, you let out a sigh of relief and a small giggle. You watch intensely as the doctor and the girls clean up and check your newborn. Moments later, as the doctor hands you your freshly wrapped bundle of joy. She had stopped crying, staring up at you and Negan with wide eyes, curious about the world. 

"This is our daughter," you whisper, kissing the tiny infant's forehead. "She's beautiful."

"A fuckin' miracle," he comments, his hand slowly moving down to touch her cheek. "Are we going with the name we agreed upon still?"

"Yeah," you nod in agreement, craning your neck to look back at your husband. He was shot less than 8 hours ago but he's still beaming wider than you've ever seen. "Hello my little Vivienne." 

"It's a real good name," he murmurs, kissing the shell of your ear. "For a real good girl. I love her more than I thought I would. She's so fucking innocent, and I'll be damned if anything happens to her. My whole life has been about myself. Everything I did was selfish. You made me aware of it, but I didn't change. Now, it's not about me anymore. Everything I do has to be for her. She's my daughter, and I'd do anything for her." 

You wipe a tear from your eye, sniffling as his confession wraps up. The doctor begins to examine you as you continue to stare at Vivienne, perplexed at the fact that you had created a tiny human. You were so enthralled you didn't hear the concerned mumbles of the doctor and the two nurses. 

"Y/N, Negan," Melanie sat on the edge of the bed, a hand gently resting on your leg. She took a deep breath before speaking. "There's a second baby. Twins."

"Holy fucking fuck," Negan smiled against your hair. "We get TWO of them!" 

"I'm so sorry," Melanie spoke softly, tears welling up in her eyes. "The second baby didn't make it. The umbilical cord wrapped around their neck and they couldn't breathe." 

The whole room froze. You could feel your happiness dwindle into an immeasurable sadness. Your heart was breaking for a child you never even knew was a possibility. Negan said nothing, simply moving from his spot behind you, standing up. 

"How the FUCK did this happen?" He shouted in the doctor's face, pointing a slightly shaky finger. "This is your fucking job. You're meant to prevent things like this. And if you can't fucking do this, there's no point fucking keeping you around." 

"Negan," you cut him off. "It's not his fault. Stop." 

He turned to you, about to open his mouth and yell, but something stopped him. He grew silent, and his eyes fell to the sleeping baby in your arms. He scooped her up, kissing her head. Jennifer took the baby, placing her in the small bassinet Negan had gotten from an abandoned baby store. 

"You're going to have to deliver," the doctor informed you regretfully. "I'm so, so, sorry." 

Panic flooded you at the thought of going through the birth ordeal again. Only this time, you would get no baby. Just pain, in return for nothing. The room began spinning, Negan walking towards you and crouching, kissing your lips softly as everything faded to black. 

* * *

When you awoke, you felt empty inside. You no longer had your babies inside of you, but your heart felt like you were missing something. Something you never knew you needed.

Shifting slightly, you see Negan sitting next to you, rocking the baby, trying to keep his eyes open. 

"Go to sleep," you mumble, and he snaps his head in your direction. "I'll take over. She's probably hungry." 

"They had to take the baby out," He said, voice monotone. He was defeated, and his eyes looked as if he'd been crying. He'd deny that later. "It was a boy. I went with the name we liked, Noah. My men buried him out by the garden, you can visit him later." 

"Negan-" You begin, but he cuts you off. 

"I don't want to fucking talk about it, okay?" He sounds exhausted, mentally as well. "I don't want to talk about the fact that I'm supposed to be made of fucking steel and that this is hard on me. So don't try and fucking get me to talk." 

"We need to."

"Not tonight, we fucking don't," he interjects, voice escalating. "Maybe not even tomorrow. We'll talk about this when I'm fucking ready and not a minute sooner." 

"Don't shut me out," you plead. "Negan, look at this precious little girl in your arms. She's ours, she's here, and she needs us to love her with all of our hearts. That's our job right now." 

He simply nods, placing the baby in the bassinet, pulling it closer to the bedside. He scoots closer to you, using his good arm to pull you in closer. Negan's lips press against your hairline, then again on your cheek, until he meets your lips. 

"I love you," he whispers against you. "That's something I didn't think I was capable of. So just give me time." 

You nod, curling up against him and drifting back to sleep, wanting nothing more than to sleep off the roller coaster of emotions you had experienced the past 24 hours. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I didn't make anyone toooooooo sad! They still have Vivienne, but I'm a writer so I'm looking to add character depth through trauma!!! Sorry :) 
> 
> Comment your thoughts! 
> 
> negans-smirk.tumblr.com


	7. Who You'd Be Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you see the world, would you chase your dreams  
> Settle down with a family  
> I wonder what would you name your babies  
> Some days the sky's so blue  
> I feel like I can talk to you  
> I know it might sound crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! I'm sorry it's been so long. I've had a medical situation come up and I've been quite ill and too sick to think straight enough to write. But, I'm back. So here's another chapter.

Vivienne's soft cries woke you hours later. According to your watch, it was just past 4 in the morning. Groggily, you roll over, sitting up and slowly regaining your bearings. Scooping up the infant from her small bassinet, your knees bounced in an attempt to soothe her crying. 

"It's okay baby girl," you coo, whispering in your newborn's ear. "Mama's here. It's all going to be okay." 

It took you a moment to register that Negan was absent from his side of the bed. Your heart sunk when you realized where he must be.

In an attempt to confirm your suspicions, you walked over to the window, still cradling Vivienne, who had since calmed down. The full moon illuminated the garden out back, and you inhaled sharply at the sight in front of you, a tear sliding down your cheek. Negan was sitting on the ground in front of the large stone that you assumed to be Noah's grave. 

Gently placing Vivienne onto the bed, you reach into the basket of baby clothes that Negan had prepared. He was always bringing them home during runs. Settling on a fleece onesie, you covered the child, before wrapping her in a warm yellow blanket and placing a hat on her soft head. You then slipped on one of Negan's white shirts, some leggings, flip flops, and headed outside. 

As you stepped into the warm spring air, you held Vivienne tightly. Despite the fact that the Sanctuary was heavily guarded, you were always on edge while outside. There's something about this new world that makes a person that way, especially when they have a child to think about.

"Negan," you whisper as you approach your husband, standing behind him. "You alright?"

"Go inside," your heart breaks, and you swear he had been crying. Still is crying. "Now. I'm fucking serious."

"I can't do that," you sigh, taking a seat next to him. He turns his head, wiping his eyes subtly and you pretend not to notice. "I took this vow, it said for better or for worse."

"We didn't take any damn vows." 

"Well maybe we should," you hand him Vivienne, just as the hours-old baby is opening her eyes. Negan's lips curl up ever so slightly at the sight of his baby girl, but he's still broken. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, kissing his temple repeatedly. "Because I've said it a thousand times and I'll keep saying it until you believe me. I'm here for you. I'm your wife. You can cry to me." 

He shakes his head, kissing Vivienne's nose. 

"He looked like her," his voice was monotone, his head leaning into your arms. "Technically they're fraternal but they looked pretty damn identical to me. He was beautiful. I tried to picture what he would've been if he grew up. Before all this, maybe a doctor. You're smart. But now, if he lived now, I would've taught him how to survive. How to thrive. How to be a fucking man, and take care of the ones you love." 

You wiped the stray tear from under his eye, kissing his cheek. You were crying as well, but much harder than he was. 

"You have Vivienne." 

"I fucking know that," he looks down at the sleeping child, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "And I love her with all my fucking heart. I'll do anything for her. You know that. She's my daughter. But now, every time I look at her, what if I think about the fact there should have been two of them?" 

"I don't know the answer," you reply honestly. "I'm heartbroken, too. But we're going to get through this together." 

"I can get through anything with you." 

* * *

Before you knew it, Vivi was 2 weeks old. She was only waking up twice a night, and you and Negan had developed a system for getting up with her. He got the first cry, often around 1 am. Then, around 4 am, you would get up with her. 

Things in the Sanctuary, however, were slowly falling apart. Between rodent infestations and electrical issues, Negan was unhappy with the current living situation. You had to say, you weren't too thrilled either. 

"Sweetheart," he groaned loudly, applying the lotion on his face after shaving. "I'm telling you. The neighborhood is safe. We'll put fucking snipers if we need to." 

"What about the garden?" you sigh from the rocking chair, Vivienne attached to your breast, eating her breakfast. "Noah's buried there." 

"We'll move him," he yells so you can hear him. "It'll all work out, babe. Fucking trust me." 

Negan exits the bathroom just as Vivi is finishing eating. You rest the baby on your shoulder and smile at his bare face, and he smirks at your exposed breasts. 

"Why good morning," he strides over to the chair, kneeling in front of you and kissing your neck. "Have I told you how fucking good your tits look lately?" 

He sucks on your pulse point, moving down slightly to place kisses on the top of your breasts. He then moves down to your nipple, biting lightly.

"Ow. Jesus. Back off," you laugh, pushing him off and handing him the baby so you can put on a shirt. "Burp her please." 

He does, praising his daughter for her impressive burp. When he goes to cradle her, she begins crying louder than ever before. You run out of the bathroom, scooping her up and she immediately calms down. 

"What the fuck?" he furrows a brow. "She usually loves me. Always giggles." 

You hand him the child again, and she repeats her wailing. You crack up once you realize what's happening. 

"Negan!" you take Vivi back between fits of laughter. "She's afraid of you without your beard!" 

"Fucking Christ," he grumbles, laughing a little. "Maybe this is good. If I'm scarier, I'll get what I want easier." 

"I think Lucille does the trick," you place the baby down in her bassinet. "Hey. So...I'll move. To that neighborhood place." 

"Really?" he can hardly hide his grin, kissing your lips harshly, both hands gripping your cheeks. "I'm going to make sure it's the perfect place. I'll work fucking night and day. I swear. I'll go right now and work on it." 

"Don't go _right_ now..." you bite your lip, trailing a finger down the side of his neck. 

He raises an eyebrow, backing you against the wall. His lips meet yours with a hunger that you haven't experienced in god knows how long. 

"Fucking hell," he groans into your mouth, his hips bucking against you. "Doctor said to wait four weeks to have sex." 

"Didn't say anything about you fucking my mouth," you whisper, and his hands fly to his belt at lightning speed. "I've missed your cock so much babe." 

Negan's pants and underwear come down in one swift motion, freeing his semi erect cock. You immediately drop to your knees, your tongue running up the bottom in a flat line. His hand pulls your hair back, urging you to begin sucking. 

"Don't fucking tease, this won't be long," he speaks through gritted teeth. "It's been too fucking long with just my hand. I've missed your pretty little fucking mouth. Look at those gorgeous little pink lips. All for me, my beautiful girl. My little slut." 

You look up at him with doe eyes, taking just the tip between your lips. He bucks his hips slightly, eyes fluttering closed. You take more of him, opening your throat and nodding - giving him the okay to take over. You gag as he fucks your throat, not used to the sensation. But he's unraveling quickly, his tip twitching in your mouth as your left hand rolls his balls. 

His whines and deep moans make you incredibly aroused, and he's fucking your mouth like it's your pussy. The mix of choking and gagging and moaning and whining is such a sensuous sound, and before you know it he's finishing in your mouth. 

"Y/N," he whispers, and you wipe your mouth, standing and kissing his neck. "Fucking fuck." 

"Go find us a house," you smile against his sweat slicked skin, heading into the bathroom to clean up. "One with a nice yard!" 

"Anything for my girls." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are much appreciated, as always. Xo


	8. You Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You lie like the man with the slick black hair who sold me that Ford  
> And you lie like a pine tree in the back yard after last month's storm  
> Well you lie like a penny in the parking lot at the grocery store  
> It just comes way too natural to you  
> The way you lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get interesting....

The house was perfect. A gray house with white trimmings, a yellow door with a spacious front porch. The home was modern, and the solar panels allowed some electricity to flow through the neighborhood. Negan had built a swing set in the backyard, and although Vivienne was too young now, the two of you dreamed of days soon when she could play like a chid living in a normal, non zombie infested world. 

"We've been here a month today, babe," Negan looks up from the pot of pasta he's stirring in the kitchen. "Are you happy?" 

"Is that even a question?" you hum, Vivienne's small head resting on your shoulder. "I'm beyond happy. I feel normal. Like you're still a gym teacher and I'm still a doctor and we met at a bar or something and started a family in the conventional way." 

"And I didn't have four other wives at first?" He smirked.

You smile, nodding. Putting Vivi in her pack n play, you head into the kitchen, taking a seat on the counter. Negan turns. He licks the wooden spoon, collecting sauce on his lips and tongue before your open mouth accepts his tongue. 

"Tasty," you hum, kissing his nose. "But seriously, when Ben died I didn't think I'd ever be happy again. I remember... my hands were shaking as I had to shoot him, and I looked into his yellowed eyes and thought, 'He's the lucky one'. He was the lucky one because he only had to be soulless for a moment, then it was all over. But I was convinced I would be soulless every moment I spent without him. Negan, you and that little girl over there gave me my soul back. You made me love, you gave me a home. You built a fucking neighborhood for us, baby." 

He said nothing, as your eyes watered at your emotional confession. Negan knew you had a husband before him, it had come up once when you had first arrived at the Sanctuary. But you had never spoken more than three words about the topic. 

"What was he like?" he whispers, surprising you with his genuine curiosity. 

"He was a truly good person. A kind, selfless soul," you smile at the memory of your past life. "Loved football. Sometimes I would joke that he loved football more than he loved me. But we both knew that wasn't true. He would always spend Saturday mornings dancing around the kitchen in his pajamas to Frank Sinatra. And on nights I'd have too much to drink he'd go pick me up, tuck me in, and call me his silly girl." 

"He seems like a good guy," Negan kisses your forehead, wiping the tear that fell down your cheek. "I'm sorry you lost him. I really am. But it led you to me, and Vivi." 

"I know," you smile, kissing his lips tenderly. "And for that, I'm thankful. In a strangely beautiful way." 

He grins, turning back to the stove that he had since abandoned. A knock at the door interrupts your train of thought.

"Who the fuck is that?" he growls. "It's almost sundown, Vivi is going up to bed soon. Jesus fucking Christ." 

"Calm," you remind your husband, taking over stirring duty as he heads towards the door. "Deep breath, babe. I'm sure it's just Simon or something."

* * *

 

 The minutes crawled by as you tried to make our the words Negan was saying. You were on the couch with Vivi, spying out the window as he stood in a group of his armed men, appeared to be in a face off with another group, a mix of men and women. The moment Negan opened the door, he stormed out into the street, shouting profanities, and you knew something was not right. 

At this point, you couldn't make out much at all. Besides the occasional F-bomb from your husband's mouth, nothing either party was saying was clear to you. So, deciding it was best to avoid conflict, you brought the baby upstairs and put her to bed -surprisingly without much trouble. 

Upon coming downstairs, you felt your heart drop to your stomach to find Negan at the kitchen table, head in his hands, looking defeated. 

"You okay?" you rush over, sitting next to him, wrapping your arms around him, placing a kiss behind his ear. "What the hell was that?" 

He says nothing. 

"Negan?" 

Nothing, again. 

"Boss," Simon's voice echoed through the living room. "Grimes won't let us take baby formula. Says he needs it for his little girl. Do I threaten his kid's hand again?" 

"What is going on?" you raise an eyebrow. "Give him baby formula! And whoever that Grimes guy is, let him in. I have extra stuff I can give." 

"No," Negan sits up, voice raising. "Don't you fucking dare get involved in this." 

You look up at your husband and simply blink, crossing your arms. Despite having no clue as to what's happening, you hear that a child needs food, and you want to help. 

"I hear that you're trying to take the food of a man's daughter," you furrow a brow. "I don't know your sick reasons. I don't care to know. I always give you the benefit of the doubt, and I will continue to do so. But let that man in here so I can give him some fucking formula. Now." 

Simon looks to Negan, the two men wide eyed and a bit shocked by your outburst. Negan simply nods, and Simon disappears out the door.

"Before he gets back you should know something," your husband sighs. "I don't want you to get mad. I did it because I love you. I love you and Vivi so fucking much and want to provide the world for you." 

"Oh Jesus Negan, what'd you do?" 

"I didn't have my men build this neighborhood," he admits. "This was a place called Alexandria something or other. Rick Grimes and his group have been conflicting with us for a while. They killed a bunch of my men. So I took their home. And if it comes up, killed two of their guys with Lucille." 

Your face went pale, your mind numb. Suddenly, the whole life that you were living felt dirty, dishonest and fabricated. You were living a lie with a man whom you barely knew. You had a **child** with a liar, a killer. His soul was further gone than you had originally thought. 

When you say nothing, Negan reaches forward slowly, his thumb brushing your cheek. You snap at him, slapping his hand away. 

"Don't you fucking touch me," your voice is low, trying not to wake the baby up, although all you want to do is scream and cry and curse at him. "You lied to me. You've _been_ lying to me. What else is a lie, Negan?" 

"Nothing," he runs his hand through his hair. "Babe, nothing. I promise." 

"I am not your fucking babe." you spit. 

Just as he's about to respond, the door opens and interrupts the argument. 

"I've been told to come here for formula," the man says, entering somewhat hesitantly, but with a small sliver of confidence left in his strut. His hairline is slicked with sweat, and his clothes are soaked. His face has small blood splatters all over. He looks like he's been through a lot. But somehow, his beautiful blue eyes still shine through. "Simon said to get Y/N?"

"Grimes, right? he nods and you smile, heading towards him. "I'm Y/N. Please, take a seat in the kitchen. I'd love for the three of us to talk." 

"What the fuck," Negan murmurs. "Stop this right fucking now. Quit while you're ahead." 

"Alrighty!" you fake a wide smile as you sit down. "So, Grimes, I'm going to be honest with you. I had no idea this was your home once. And I just wanted to say I am so, so sorry." 

"Call me Rick," he nods. "And I appreciate that." 

"No," you continue. "In fact, the front three houses belong to some of Negan's men but they can go back to the old factory. You and your group can come back here and live in this neighborhood. The house right next door is open!" 

"That's not fucking happening," Negan says simply. "Sorry babe. Sorry Rick. No can do." 

"Negan," you turn to him, eyes squinting. "If you don't do this, I'm taking Vivi and I'm going. I don't know where the hell where yet. Maybe I'll go with Rick here. Maybe I'll do my own thing. Maybe I'll just move into a different house on this block and not let you see her but let me tell you something, you will not displace people for your own fucking agenda and call it an act of love. I will not have it, and I will not forgive you for lying until you fix it. So fucking fix it." 

"Fine," he growls. "Rick. Would you guys like to have those houses? And maybe in the meantime we can all sing campfire songs or something?" 

"The houses sound nice," Rick nods. "Judith is sick. Cold. We need a place to live." 

You smile, glad you were able to save someone in this crazy world. 

"Lovely," you say. "Here, Rick let's go. I'll get you some of that formula." 

Negan glares up at you, clearly pissed that you're taking off with the enemy. He says nothing, though, simply pouring himself a drink. 

* * *

 

When you get home an hour later, Negan seems to be a few drinks deep, judging by the slushiness of his voice. 

"Fun time with Rick the Prick?" he mocks, standing up to greet you. "Did you break in his bed in his brand new house that you gave him?" 

You looked up at him, confusion in your eyes. 

"I didn't fuck Rick." 

"Sure," he drags out the word, making it clear he doesn't believe you. "That shit you pulled today was not fucking cool."

Negan walks towards you. His eyes are angry, jaw locked as well. You take a step back until you're against a wall, but he follows you, pursuing you until he's centimeters from your face. His lips attach to your neck, sucking harshly. Negan's other hand wraps around your throat, almost too hard.

"Negan, stop," you whimper softly. He ignores you. "Negan." 

"Do you really fucking want me to?" he moves his lips down to your collarbone and you shake your head. "Suck." 

You nod, dropping to your knees at the mercy of this man. That word alone made you tremble, the order soaking your panties like no other. As you free his cock from his confines, you lick boldly up the bottom only to be encouraged by a throaty groan. 

"Fucking fuck baby girl," he encourages as you suck the tip. "I know you can do better than that." 

You accept his challenge and take him deeper, opening your throat to allow his cock better access. He moves his hips shallowly yet harshly, each thrust making him moan and causing you to gag on his cock. You can feel him twitching, so you take him deeper and suck harder, milking him through his orgasm as he spews profanities and grips your hair harshly. 

"My fucking princess," he whispers down to you as he zips himself up. "So good to my cock." 

"I'm still pissed at you," you furrow an eyebrow, not letting him get away with this lie. "Like, really mad." 

"How about this?" he smirks, pinning you against the wall. "I eat that sweet little pussy for a whole 20 minutes and we call it even?" 

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment below!!!


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